Week Three

I finally have all of my textbooks! And I am caught up in all of my classes except one! This is making me feel a lot more comfortable right now. I am still taking the heaviest course load that I've taken since I started the program, but now, I at least feel like I may be able to keep my head above water.

I think that this quarter, and year, is going to be very different. I have probably found my dissertation question and a dataset to use. This is the last year that I will have funding, and at the end of this school year, I will need to start writing my qualifying exams. This year is going to be big.

Thankfully, friends of mine brought this back for me from London:

I try to follow this advice...

One of the things that is going to be different is that I am going to need to start looking for funding sources. I have been keeping a list of possible grants since the middle of the last school year. I will need to start the applications in early December for many of them. Funding is really, really important for PhD students to obtain. It is not just important because it helps us do our work, but it demonstrates that we are competitive researchers and will help us get hired later as faculty. Universities expect their faculty to get grants and they hire people who have a demonstrated ability to do that.

Have a great Wednesday! I'm off to get my flu shot and then head in to class!

Lillian Wald, Lavinia Lloyd Dock, Margaret Sanger and Flo!

I wanted to put a post out at the end of the first week of the first quarter of my second year, so here it is.

This quarter, I have found myself in an interesting position. I don't, at the end of the first week of a ten week quarter, actually know how many classes I am taking. Someday, when you are future faculty, please plan ahead. Do not rely on your administrative assistant, TA or RA to post your class or organize your rooms. Your students will appreciate your effort. Essentially, one of my classes was posted incorrectly, other classes planned around the incorrect one, and now there is a sort of scheduling hell occurring. I may or may not be joining a fourth class this quarter. I'll know sometime in the early part of next week.

In addition, my professors posted book lists pretty late - around four days before classes started. And the reading is not a joke. I am already behind in a serious amount of reading. I might have bitten the bullet and paid full price at the university bookstore, but it doesn't carry very many books. I know. It is ridiculous. In fact, it is so ridiculous that the university is shutting the bookstore down entirely and people are losing their jobs. I would cite mismanagement, a lack of planning, the economy or an incredible lack of retail know-how, but really I am in awe of such an incredible example of stupidity on the part of a huge institution that I can't marshal my thoughts beyond, "Um, I'm sorry, did you say you're closing the only campus bookstore? No, seriously, tell me another one."

So I find myself in this situation where my panic is increasing as I fall behind, but there isn't much I can do about it because all my materials are in transit and I'm not even entirely sure what I should be doing since I don't know my full course load.

PhD study! Thy name is flexibility and ambiguity!

One of my classes is a saving grace. I am taking a theory course that is exceptional. The readings are thought-provoking and the professor is an example of what nursing once was and needs to be again: women who were social revolutionaries. I am in love with this class. When I was in high school, I won the Margaret Sanger award for social service. I hadn't thought about that until I sat in the first lecture of this theory class and we read the quotes of the first nurses who, against a patriarchal establishment, spoke the truth even when it was against the law to protect their patients.

My research residency continues to be an amazing, intense experience. One that I both enjoy and constantly feel is an exercise in humility.  In addition, I feel that the science I am able to observe and participate in is revolutionary. I am very lucky to be there.

So far, the second quarter seems to have two emerging themes: revolution and an effort to make sense of chaos.

Adjusted. (My Attitude That Is...)

I'm back and I'm much less fussy. I apologize for my last post. I was feeling pretty foul.

The reality of the PhD process is that there are some bad days. In speaking with some close friends, who are also members of my cohort, we concluded that a lot of this process is....humiliating, for lack of a better word.

Before my last post, it was requested that I write up a proposal as a part of my attempt to gain access to one of the datasets that I am interested in using for my dissertation. I made my best attempt at doing that, and got some criticism in return. It happens and it is good for me. Usually, I take criticism well, especially if it is constructive and from someone with an expertise in that area, which this was. Additionally, it wasn't mean-spirited or nit-picky. I think what made it sting more than it should have was that the response wasn't just sent to me, but to a few other people as well. Having spent some time reflecting on this, and having had some further interaction with everybody, I really think that nothing negative was intended. And, they certainly haven't said that I can't have access, so....

It was also a good reminder that science isn't a private endeavor. We don't want it to be. Good science is performed in the open, so that it can be commented upon, improved upon and done well. (However, since I work in a topic area that can be contentious, I would like to clarify that it is our peers in the scientific community, not just anybody, who should be commenting on the science. Ethical considerations are, of course, open to all....)

On another note, I want to talk briefly about some common sense things I've learned over the last year regarding publications. First, if you work on it, try to get your name on it. I know that may seem pretty basic. And before this week, I would have laughed at the suggestion that I would be so foolish as to work on something and not be a named author. Alas, irony is cruel.

 Remember my mother's saying (paraphrasing someone named Brandon Mull), "Smart people learn from their mistakes. Brilliant people learn from the mistakes of others." Be brilliant, learn from the people who have gone before.

Next, if you are getting funding from some entity, that funding must be mentioned in the publication. I was informed of this by the agency that funds me, and I have been careful to stress that my funding must be mentioned to the publishers of my (very few, but hopefully, soon to be greater in number) articles. I would not have known this, though, unless someone had told me.

Finally, use a citation software when you write articles. I am not going to name one because they all have flaws, and I'm not completely satisfied with any that I've tried. They are, however, really, really important if you write something and then need to change the citation style. Also, if you use it as you're writing, which is what I do, the program is able to organize your reference list and store your references for future papers. I tend to write things in APA format since that's what I used in both my undergraduate and master's program. However, I've had to submit papers in numbered notation and without the software, I would have had to go back and do that by hand. Which would have been really a bad experience. So, use something. For your own sanity.

School starts next week! I'm nervous and excited and completely amazed that I'm already starting the second year. To all readers who are starting programs this fall, I send you all of my hope that you will have as wonderful a first year as I did!!!

Days Like This

Today I asked myself, "Self, what made you think that you should pursue a PhD?"

The answer?

Ego, parental issues, stupidity, a desperate need to establish my mental limits through the experience of humiliating failure, and quite possibly, insanity.

It has been one of those days.

Thanks for listening.  I'll attempt to find my more positive self prior to my next post.

The Extremes of Binary Experience

The experience of my research residency seems to exist as either utter confusion or joy. I haven't yet found a middle ground. Let me present some examples:

Utter Confusion

Scenario One
Residency Advisor/Mentor (RA/M): "I have a great project idea for you!"
Me: "Oh, that sounds exciting!"
RA/M: "I think that you should enter this data into SPSS and analyze the differences between the groups."
Me (in my head): My classes have only covered SPSS peripherally, I have only a limited idea of how to use the program. I can theoretically discuss descriptive statistics and regression techniques, but I haven't ever applied them beyond the carefully selected examples in last year's classes. Help! 
Me: "That sounds really interesting, but I might need some help with the program, we've only used it a little in class."
RA/M: "I only use STATA. There is a book on how to use SPSS here." RA/M points to SPSS for Dummies.
Me: "..."

Scenario Two
(Searching for creamer to add to my desperately needed coffee in the breakroom.)
Me: "Come on, there has to be half and half in here somewhere!"
Other Office Person Who Happens to Wander In During My Desperate Search (OOPWHWDMDS): "There's creamer don't worry!" OOPWHWDMDS then hands me a container of liquid soy product.
Me: "Uh, I'm from Chicago....so I don't usually use soy... stuff... in my coffee."
OOPWHWDMDS: "Don't worry! You'll love it! And if you don't like this one, we have three other flavors that you might like better!"
Me: "..."

Scenario Three 
RA/M: "I need you to do X."
Me: "That's a big topic. I think that I can do the background over the next week."
RA/M: "I need it tomorrow."
Me: "..."

Moments of Joy:

One: Sitting in meetings where I think, I can't believe that we are doing such amazing research and the whole world isn't throwing a party. I am so lucky to be involved with something so important!

Two: Finding half and half in the fridge.

Three: Working on something I find so interesting that I work an entire 8 hour workday and it feels like thirty minutes.

Four: When I finish something, and somebody says, "Hey, good job!"

So far, I think that this is a pretty normal research residency experience. It is much more joy than utter confusion. I'm learning (some of it by trial and error) and I'm meeting some of the best researchers in my topic area.
It is thrilling and overwhelming...sometimes all at once.

Progress!

I may be getting closer to a more specific question for my dissertation! Also, I may be getting closer to a data set! I don't want to say too much...(I am after all a nurse, and while I don't believe in jinxing myself, I also don't disbelieve in the possibility...)

Anyway, it may be Saturday, but there is work to be done. I have found that I do get more done when I leave the house and go to the library. One of the many reasons why is pictured below:

Boris Sherlock, on my desk

But, sadly, in the summer my school library is closed on Saturdays. Oddly enough, they are open on Sundays. Maybe they want to force the neurotic, overworked graduate students to do something besides school on Saturday? I'd like to think that it is something like that instead of just budget cuts.

I have lots to do and I'm off to start it!
Boris is determined to help.

I just wish he'd stop stepping on the caps lock key.

Research Residencies

I know that I promised everybody a discussion about research residencies a looooong time ago. I apologize for the delay! I'll go ahead and post that information tonight.

First, a disclaimer: I'm not entirely sure if a research residency is a requirement in other PhD programs and additionally, I'm not sure if they are actually called "research residencies" even if they are required. However, I suspect that most programs that are offered in research intensive universities would require that a student gain some hands on research experience during their courses.

In my university (which shall remain nameless to protect my anonymity and ability to post honestly), roughly two quarters, or the equivalent credit hours of work done over a different number of quarters, are required. Additionally, the research residency must be performed before a student can write their qualifying exams, which I've written about previously. Since most people "write their quals" as it is called during the summer and/or fall following their second year, it is a good idea to do the research residency late in the first year or early in the second.

What each student does as a part of their residency is fairly unstructured. It should be something new, the student should learn something, and ideally, it would also benefit the professor or researcher. I have had classmates who have helped investigators file their IRB (Institutional Review Board or ethics committee) applications, help with participant interviews, write or edit publications, enter data, clean data, run statistical analyses or help with qualitative interpretation of data. While it might be nice to participate on a research project that directly related to a student's area of interest, that is not required.

Research residencies get chosen based on research topic, opportunities to learn necessary skills, comfort with a particular researcher, interest in an aspect of research that won't be covered in a student's program or sheer convenience. Some students, who are really quick, are able to negotiate credit for a research assistance-ship. Essentially what that neat trick results in is getting both credit and payment. To do that, a student would usually have a ton of work, and would exchange money for credit hours or credit hours for money. Hmmm, that came out wrong! I made it sound like a research drug deal - let me rephrase. Most students who are able to mix a research assistance-ship and research residency would get fewer than the usual three credit hours per quarter and not the full monetary benefit of the research assistance-ship position. It's both a win-win and lose-lose if you look at it closely.

The general consensus is that they are quite a bit of fun, if also a ton of work. My residency has so far helped me to feel very close to actual research, but it has also made me realize how amazing it is that any research gets done! The paperwork, huge amounts of data to be analyzed, committees, review boards, and work are stunning! I'm hoping to stay in my residency through December. Right now, I'm doing pretty much anything that I can to help. I've entered and cleaned data, done a bit of research on a topic that related peripherally to the project, helped the PI (primary investigator) do some paperwork, summed up other relevant research articles into little briefs for people, and been allowed to sit in on meetings.

So, that is the information. For the next few months, I'll be writing about my research residency in addition to my courses. Fall quarter is seeming closer every day now!