So. I am exhausted. I could read everyday, all day, and still be behind. I am in the middle of what might be called mid-terms, or what might also be called an outer circle of paper-writing hell. In the last few weeks, I have actually noticed my vision getting worse. I think that it is from all of the reading. This is the less fun part of the program.
I am still staying afloat, even in this sea of never-ending papers, but I'm concerned about not doing well. (I almost made a very bad joke about regression towards the mean, or as we just learned it is also called, regression towards mediocrity. Aren't you glad I stopped myself?) I'm worried that in this paper-flurry from you-know-where, that I am not writing my best or truly learning as much as I could in the process.
To counter this potential negative effect, I have a new plan. First, I am going to continue to do what I have been doing well. It works for me to start papers early and spend the days before they are due tweaking them. I like to have that window and time to make them better. Secondly, I will not eat junk food. I am up late tonight because I have a stomachache from cookies. Not sleeping due to intestinal pain does not help my productivity. Thirdly, I am going to get control of my time again. That means that I will, no matter what, fit in exercise and breaks. I am willing to sacrifice my vision to this program, but not my sanity. Also, when things are stressful, not exercising, crappy sleep hygiene, and eating poorly only make it much, much worse for me.
I know that this is a transition. I've been out of school, practicing nursing, and this is the first batch of papers and assignments that are due. This if the painful part of acculturating to this new way of thinking and performing.
It will be fine. I can do this.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Tightrope
I am well into the first quarter now. This is the fourth week for two of my classes and the third week for two others. Since the quarter system is 10 weeks (give or take a week for finals) then I'm a solid third of the way into these topics. Already my view and ability to read the research critically has improved. My ideas about my topic of interest have expanded. I can feel myself starting to pull ideas together, but I'm still overwhelmed by the readings and I have well more than my previous estimate of papers still to do.
This week I've completed my class readings (no simple feat as reading for the program is a very active process), have made significant progress on my group assignment, written the rough draft for my paper in my theory development class, started the rough draft for the qualitative class, thought deeply about the topic for my philosophy class, and managed to post this blog entry. Let's just stop and review that list....it is a thing of beauty. But wonderful accomplishments often have a steep price...
I haven't gone to the gym in two weeks. I have forgotten to eat on multiple occasions. My butt goes numb from sitting and reading all day. I haven't talked to important members of my family in weeks.
I think that my major failure for this first third of the first quarter is that I haven't managed to find my balance of school and life yet. It is time that I at least focus a little on that balance. I am nurse first, before almost anything else, and I know that health is not passively achieved. So starting on Thursday, I am going to avail myself of the campus gym.And then on Friday, I'm going to go back to the gym again. And maybe take a walk to the park too.
It won't be a problem - maybe I can jog on the treadmill and read my assignments at the same time!
This week I've completed my class readings (no simple feat as reading for the program is a very active process), have made significant progress on my group assignment, written the rough draft for my paper in my theory development class, started the rough draft for the qualitative class, thought deeply about the topic for my philosophy class, and managed to post this blog entry. Let's just stop and review that list....it is a thing of beauty. But wonderful accomplishments often have a steep price...
I haven't gone to the gym in two weeks. I have forgotten to eat on multiple occasions. My butt goes numb from sitting and reading all day. I haven't talked to important members of my family in weeks.
I think that my major failure for this first third of the first quarter is that I haven't managed to find my balance of school and life yet. It is time that I at least focus a little on that balance. I am nurse first, before almost anything else, and I know that health is not passively achieved. So starting on Thursday, I am going to avail myself of the campus gym.And then on Friday, I'm going to go back to the gym again. And maybe take a walk to the park too.
It won't be a problem - maybe I can jog on the treadmill and read my assignments at the same time!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The thick of it
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| Holga Picture! |
Everything for right now is pretty much the same, though things are getting a little more intense. I have four assignments due in the next three weeks. They range from being fairly minor, two-page papers to full mid-term papers worth almost half of the class grade. They are my top priority starting tomorrow morning. Today, I spent my time in a meeting about the other project I'm working on and working at the clinic that I volunteer at for my own joy!
I meant to start working on my papers and readings (because even if there are assignments, the readings continue) but my phone wasn't accepting calls. So I worked on that, made and ate dinner and played with KitKit and the night was pretty much done.
I have social/fun things scheduled on Sunday and also all day to work on Monday. But I need to get a lot done tomorrow. It's off to sleep with me, I have to wake up and function in the AM! And I'd also like to get at least a short run in tomorrow.
As this was a boring post, I'll end by wishing everybody a wonderful weekend! See you next week!
PS. If you want to leave a comment, I would love to read it!
Monday, October 4, 2010
A brief story of how I signed up for a fifth class... And a long update on the process itself
I really feel like I'm in the thick of things now. First I want to tell you an amusing story and then I want to highlight some of what it feels like to be taking these classes during this first semester. But as a quick prologue to both, I wanted to restate why I am writing this blog. I originally envisioned this blog as a way to fill a gap that I found when I was researching the idea of applying for PhD programs. I didn't find very many nursing PhD blogs. I found one, but it didn't seem to be near the beginning and navigating back to the start of the nurse-blogger's program was tricky on her site. Also, I found non-nurse PhD blogs, but I coudn't judge their applicability or similarity to our process. While this blog is at times personal, that is only because this process is personal and affects more than just me. So if you're here reading just for information on what it is to be a student, I want to give you as much of that as I can. And if you're here reading for personal stuff, like my sister or my husband, then I want to update you as well....
So now a little background on how I signed up for a fifth class... We are very lucky at our school because the university highly values collaboration in research. To this end, they offer many, many seminars and classes that are not core requirements but instead are opportunities to network and learn from experts in other fields. Also, if there is a class in another specialty that you want to take to learn, but don't really want to be tested on, etc, you can audit it or take it for fewer hours and opt out of a paper or two. This was explained to us as an overview, but it seemed weird to me. At my previous university you paid per semester hour, so any extra class might raise your tuition. Not so, here. One of the seminar classes looked interesting to me, so I went to it during my lunch. I thought that I would just sit in the back and get a feel for it... Only, that's not it works here. We had to introduce ourselves and sign-in. This "seminar" is a graded class (whoops!). BUT, the grade is only based on participation. As there were only 10 of us, it didn't seem like a good idea to just leave. And it is an interesting class...it is also, however, my fifth class. Yikes.
So here's some info. on what I've figured out so far about the PhD process, though, it is specific to my program. Our classes are on the quarter system versus the semester system. This means that we have approximately 10 weeks of classes, with finals for some classes being in an eleventh week. The semester system is usually 16 weeks. The pace feels fast. Thankfully, it is all very interesting and the professors seemed to have chosen good texts. I am expected to read around 100 pages of materiel for each class. There isn't much "homework" and what there is, isn't usually graded. The homework is to help each student develop their research goals in the long-term (to make you start thinking) and to be the basis of your papers for class. Most of the classes have a mid-term paper and a final paper. The grade for these classes is made up of 90% from the papers and 10% from participation. How long each paper is expected to be varies. Most of the midterm papers seem to be less than 10 pages, but the final papers are expected to be as long as 20 pages. Each student may take classes for approximately 2 years. After that, a student takes the classes that they need to learn and write about their topic. There are classes that are highly recommended for every student but there are no required classes at all.
The whole program is not designed by chance. Each class is intended to build on the one before, marching us closer and closer to our study and making us experts (or as close as anyone can be without having years and years of research behind them) on research and our topic. I am trying for a PhD, not a DNP, so this is a research-focused degree. What that means is that I will need to write qualifying exams, if I pass, I will advance to candidacy and then I would need to design, implement and write a study that creates new nursing knowledge. Then I would need to finish my dissertation and defend it before I can achieve my degree. I am expected to keep making progress at all points along this plan; stalling out means that a student might be asked to leave. The time limit is 7 years.
I'm going to be honest and tell people out there that I did not have a clear idea of what was expected in this degree until the first day of orientation. I had a better idea than some people because I had gotten a book that was a general guide to PhDs from the bookstore, but I didn't know the specific process. There is a reason this is important! I want a research degree. This is the path that appeals to me most. But for many who are considering this path, they don't understand that a PhD doesn't have much to do with learning new clinical skills. We are not becoming mini-MDs. We are becoming researchers and educators, with the emphasis on researchers. We are trying to learn how new nursing knowledge is created. An article that I read once said that there is a high PhD failure rate because people have confused expectations, if you are considering this degree, you need to be very clear about your expectations and goals.
So I'm off to do my reading, work on the project I'm helping out with, and try to finish my non-graded homework! I hope that this post was helpful to some people. If anyone is actually out there reading this and considering a PhD, feel free to post a question about the process. I may not be far enough along to answer it fully, but I'll give you whatever knowledge I have!
So now a little background on how I signed up for a fifth class... We are very lucky at our school because the university highly values collaboration in research. To this end, they offer many, many seminars and classes that are not core requirements but instead are opportunities to network and learn from experts in other fields. Also, if there is a class in another specialty that you want to take to learn, but don't really want to be tested on, etc, you can audit it or take it for fewer hours and opt out of a paper or two. This was explained to us as an overview, but it seemed weird to me. At my previous university you paid per semester hour, so any extra class might raise your tuition. Not so, here. One of the seminar classes looked interesting to me, so I went to it during my lunch. I thought that I would just sit in the back and get a feel for it... Only, that's not it works here. We had to introduce ourselves and sign-in. This "seminar" is a graded class (whoops!). BUT, the grade is only based on participation. As there were only 10 of us, it didn't seem like a good idea to just leave. And it is an interesting class...it is also, however, my fifth class. Yikes.
So here's some info. on what I've figured out so far about the PhD process, though, it is specific to my program. Our classes are on the quarter system versus the semester system. This means that we have approximately 10 weeks of classes, with finals for some classes being in an eleventh week. The semester system is usually 16 weeks. The pace feels fast. Thankfully, it is all very interesting and the professors seemed to have chosen good texts. I am expected to read around 100 pages of materiel for each class. There isn't much "homework" and what there is, isn't usually graded. The homework is to help each student develop their research goals in the long-term (to make you start thinking) and to be the basis of your papers for class. Most of the classes have a mid-term paper and a final paper. The grade for these classes is made up of 90% from the papers and 10% from participation. How long each paper is expected to be varies. Most of the midterm papers seem to be less than 10 pages, but the final papers are expected to be as long as 20 pages. Each student may take classes for approximately 2 years. After that, a student takes the classes that they need to learn and write about their topic. There are classes that are highly recommended for every student but there are no required classes at all.
The whole program is not designed by chance. Each class is intended to build on the one before, marching us closer and closer to our study and making us experts (or as close as anyone can be without having years and years of research behind them) on research and our topic. I am trying for a PhD, not a DNP, so this is a research-focused degree. What that means is that I will need to write qualifying exams, if I pass, I will advance to candidacy and then I would need to design, implement and write a study that creates new nursing knowledge. Then I would need to finish my dissertation and defend it before I can achieve my degree. I am expected to keep making progress at all points along this plan; stalling out means that a student might be asked to leave. The time limit is 7 years.
I'm going to be honest and tell people out there that I did not have a clear idea of what was expected in this degree until the first day of orientation. I had a better idea than some people because I had gotten a book that was a general guide to PhDs from the bookstore, but I didn't know the specific process. There is a reason this is important! I want a research degree. This is the path that appeals to me most. But for many who are considering this path, they don't understand that a PhD doesn't have much to do with learning new clinical skills. We are not becoming mini-MDs. We are becoming researchers and educators, with the emphasis on researchers. We are trying to learn how new nursing knowledge is created. An article that I read once said that there is a high PhD failure rate because people have confused expectations, if you are considering this degree, you need to be very clear about your expectations and goals.
So I'm off to do my reading, work on the project I'm helping out with, and try to finish my non-graded homework! I hope that this post was helpful to some people. If anyone is actually out there reading this and considering a PhD, feel free to post a question about the process. I may not be far enough along to answer it fully, but I'll give you whatever knowledge I have!
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