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| Not too much bothers this cat. |
I woke up and it pretty quickly started to unravel. What is amazing to me is that something external to me can have such an effect on the day. At least it can have such an effect on my day. What's also interesting to me is that the true reason that something bothers me isn't always as clear to me as I would wish. Perhaps being alone in a new city lowered my defenses. I really want someday to be the person who can respond with kindness and wisdom to the best and worst that I encounter even if I'm otherwise stressed.
Basically, yesterday, I posted a link to a social service I had visited on my facebook page. Someone who has an opposite political view used the opportunity as a way to expound their beliefs. They weren't overtly rude, just passive-aggressive. Once again, perhaps because my defenses were down, the discussion felt a little more invasive or hurtful to me than maybe it should have felt.
I can see two views on this. First, I posted this link on a relatively public forum. That essentially cleared the way for a contrary and very political opinion. It was a forum that was open to people that I had allowed to see it. A public forum, even a limited one, is essentially open. My opposite feeling goes something like this: the comment I posted was not overtly political so to make the response political was not appropriate, even in a public, non-moderated space. In fact, nothing I stated was political, though the link was to a social service; I have noticed that social services have become more targeted as this country has entered its current fiscal crisis. To force the conversation into a political arena, though, seemed an almost willful disregard for the spirit of the post.
The second view is about opinions. Yes, anyone can post an opinion or a response on facebook. Anything that one wants to write can be written down. But remember that trite old saying, "just because you can, doesn't mean you should?" That saying seems suddenly very applicable. We all have opinions, beliefs. I like peas, for example, but my husband doesn't. People don't (at least most people don't) see any benefit in having a public argument about whose vegetable preferences are "right" and whose are "wrong." How really, is my happiness at seeing a social service made available any more assailable than anyone's vegetable preference? I can not prove that I'm correct. I can only support what I say with research. I did that, but at some point the person I'm speaking to has to be willing to accept that data, which he wasn't.
In the end, I felt a little dazed that my perfectly innocuous post had turned into a nightmare discussion about politics. I have no idea how he felt. And that really is the problem with a publicly stated opinion in a social-media forum: you aren't able to read the recipient of your statement's cues. It's a two-sided discussion without the one-sided limiting factor of conscience. I still don't know if he wanted to be hurtful, or if he just couldn't read my cues. I tried to couch my responses in a polite but firm way, but maybe I failed. I can't tell.
I'm here posting this because I feel that we all need to be more careful about what and how we say things in a public, social-networking forum. I want to be a community-builder, but today I felt like someone who lost that battle.
It also shrunk my whole day down into being constantly afraid of the next post. It made it hard to work. This externality (so harmless, just a facebook message) impacted my entire day. I could have just de-friended him, but again, what about community? I don't want to repeat this experience, but without just cutting people off, I don't know how to prevent it. Until I gain more grace, I think that I'll just have to keep learning how to let more roll off my back.
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