I'm back and I'm much less fussy. I apologize for my last post. I was feeling pretty foul.
The reality of the PhD process is that there are some bad days. In speaking with some close friends, who are also members of my cohort, we concluded that a lot of this process is....humiliating, for lack of a better word.
Before my last post, it was requested that I write up a proposal as a part of my attempt to gain access to one of the datasets that I am interested in using for my dissertation. I made my best attempt at doing that, and got some criticism in return. It happens and it is good for me. Usually, I take criticism well, especially if it is constructive and from someone with an expertise in that area, which this was. Additionally, it wasn't mean-spirited or nit-picky. I think what made it sting more than it should have was that the response wasn't just sent to me, but to a few other people as well. Having spent some time reflecting on this, and having had some further interaction with everybody, I really think that nothing negative was intended. And, they certainly haven't said that I can't have access, so....
It was also a good reminder that science isn't a private endeavor. We don't want it to be. Good science is performed in the open, so that it can be commented upon, improved upon and done well. (However, since I work in a topic area that can be contentious, I would like to clarify that it is our peers in the scientific community, not just anybody, who should be commenting on the science. Ethical considerations are, of course, open to all....)
On another note, I want to talk briefly about some common sense things I've learned over the last year regarding publications. First, if you work on it, try to get your name on it. I know that may seem pretty basic. And before this week, I would have laughed at the suggestion that I would be so foolish as to work on something and not be a named author. Alas, irony is cruel.
Remember my mother's saying (paraphrasing someone named Brandon Mull), "Smart people learn from their mistakes. Brilliant people learn from the mistakes of others." Be brilliant, learn from the people who have gone before.
Next, if you are getting funding from some entity, that funding must be mentioned in the publication. I was informed of this by the agency that funds me, and I have been careful to stress that my funding must be mentioned to the publishers of my (very few, but hopefully, soon to be greater in number) articles. I would not have known this, though, unless someone had told me.
Finally, use a citation software when you write articles. I am not going to name one because they all have flaws, and I'm not completely satisfied with any that I've tried. They are, however, really, really important if you write something and then need to change the citation style. Also, if you use it as you're writing, which is what I do, the program is able to organize your reference list and store your references for future papers. I tend to write things in APA format since that's what I used in both my undergraduate and master's program. However, I've had to submit papers in numbered notation and without the software, I would have had to go back and do that by hand. Which would have been really a bad experience. So, use something. For your own sanity.
School starts next week! I'm nervous and excited and completely amazed that I'm already starting the second year. To all readers who are starting programs this fall, I send you all of my hope that you will have as wonderful a first year as I did!!!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Days Like This
Today I asked myself, "Self, what made you think that you should pursue a PhD?"
The answer?
Ego, parental issues, stupidity, a desperate need to establish my mental limits through the experience of humiliating failure, and quite possibly, insanity.
It has been one of those days.
Thanks for listening. I'll attempt to find my more positive self prior to my next post.
The answer?
Ego, parental issues, stupidity, a desperate need to establish my mental limits through the experience of humiliating failure, and quite possibly, insanity.
It has been one of those days.
Thanks for listening. I'll attempt to find my more positive self prior to my next post.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Extremes of Binary Experience
The experience of my research residency seems to exist as either utter confusion or joy. I haven't yet found a middle ground. Let me present some examples:
Utter Confusion
Scenario One
Residency Advisor/Mentor (RA/M): "I have a great project idea for you!"
Me: "Oh, that sounds exciting!"
RA/M: "I think that you should enter this data into SPSS and analyze the differences between the groups."
Me (in my head): My classes have only covered SPSS peripherally, I have only a limited idea of how to use the program. I can theoretically discuss descriptive statistics and regression techniques, but I haven't ever applied them beyond the carefully selected examples in last year's classes. Help!
Me: "That sounds really interesting, but I might need some help with the program, we've only used it a little in class."
RA/M: "I only use STATA. There is a book on how to use SPSS here." RA/M points to SPSS for Dummies.
Me: "..."
Scenario Two
(Searching for creamer to add to my desperately needed coffee in the breakroom.)
Me: "Come on, there has to be half and half in here somewhere!"
Other Office Person Who Happens to Wander In During My Desperate Search (OOPWHWDMDS): "There's creamer don't worry!" OOPWHWDMDS then hands me a container of liquid soy product.
Me: "Uh, I'm from Chicago....so I don't usually use soy... stuff... in my coffee."
OOPWHWDMDS: "Don't worry! You'll love it! And if you don't like this one, we have three other flavors that you might like better!"
Me: "..."
Scenario Three
RA/M: "I need you to do X."
Me: "That's a big topic. I think that I can do the background over the next week."
RA/M: "I need it tomorrow."
Me: "..."
Moments of Joy:
One: Sitting in meetings where I think, I can't believe that we are doing such amazing research and the whole world isn't throwing a party. I am so lucky to be involved with something so important!
Two: Finding half and half in the fridge.
Three: Working on something I find so interesting that I work an entire 8 hour workday and it feels like thirty minutes.
Four: When I finish something, and somebody says, "Hey, good job!"
So far, I think that this is a pretty normal research residency experience. It is much more joy than utter confusion. I'm learning (some of it by trial and error) and I'm meeting some of the best researchers in my topic area.
It is thrilling and overwhelming...sometimes all at once.
Utter Confusion
Scenario One
Residency Advisor/Mentor (RA/M): "I have a great project idea for you!"
Me: "Oh, that sounds exciting!"
RA/M: "I think that you should enter this data into SPSS and analyze the differences between the groups."
Me (in my head): My classes have only covered SPSS peripherally, I have only a limited idea of how to use the program. I can theoretically discuss descriptive statistics and regression techniques, but I haven't ever applied them beyond the carefully selected examples in last year's classes. Help!
Me: "That sounds really interesting, but I might need some help with the program, we've only used it a little in class."
RA/M: "I only use STATA. There is a book on how to use SPSS here." RA/M points to SPSS for Dummies.
Me: "..."
Scenario Two
(Searching for creamer to add to my desperately needed coffee in the breakroom.)
Me: "Come on, there has to be half and half in here somewhere!"
Other Office Person Who Happens to Wander In During My Desperate Search (OOPWHWDMDS): "There's creamer don't worry!" OOPWHWDMDS then hands me a container of liquid soy product.
Me: "Uh, I'm from Chicago....so I don't usually use soy... stuff... in my coffee."
OOPWHWDMDS: "Don't worry! You'll love it! And if you don't like this one, we have three other flavors that you might like better!"
Me: "..."
Scenario Three
RA/M: "I need you to do X."
Me: "That's a big topic. I think that I can do the background over the next week."
RA/M: "I need it tomorrow."
Me: "..."
Moments of Joy:
One: Sitting in meetings where I think, I can't believe that we are doing such amazing research and the whole world isn't throwing a party. I am so lucky to be involved with something so important!
Two: Finding half and half in the fridge.
Three: Working on something I find so interesting that I work an entire 8 hour workday and it feels like thirty minutes.
Four: When I finish something, and somebody says, "Hey, good job!"
So far, I think that this is a pretty normal research residency experience. It is much more joy than utter confusion. I'm learning (some of it by trial and error) and I'm meeting some of the best researchers in my topic area.
It is thrilling and overwhelming...sometimes all at once.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Progress!
I may be getting closer to a more specific question for my dissertation! Also, I may be getting closer to a data set! I don't want to say too much...(I am after all a nurse, and while I don't believe in jinxing myself, I also don't disbelieve in the possibility...)
Anyway, it may be Saturday, but there is work to be done. I have found that I do get more done when I leave the house and go to the library. One of the many reasons why is pictured below:
But, sadly, in the summer my school library is closed on Saturdays. Oddly enough, they are open on Sundays. Maybe they want to force the neurotic, overworked graduate students to do something besides school on Saturday? I'd like to think that it is something like that instead of just budget cuts.
I have lots to do and I'm off to start it!
Boris is determined to help.
I just wish he'd stop stepping on the caps lock key.
Anyway, it may be Saturday, but there is work to be done. I have found that I do get more done when I leave the house and go to the library. One of the many reasons why is pictured below:
 | ||
| Boris Sherlock, on my desk |
I have lots to do and I'm off to start it!
Boris is determined to help.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Research Residencies
I know that I promised everybody a discussion about research residencies a looooong time ago. I apologize for the delay! I'll go ahead and post that information tonight.
First, a disclaimer: I'm not entirely sure if a research residency is a requirement in other PhD programs and additionally, I'm not sure if they are actually called "research residencies" even if they are required. However, I suspect that most programs that are offered in research intensive universities would require that a student gain some hands on research experience during their courses.
In my university (which shall remain nameless to protect my anonymity and ability to post honestly), roughly two quarters, or the equivalent credit hours of work done over a different number of quarters, are required. Additionally, the research residency must be performed before a student can write their qualifying exams, which I've written about previously. Since most people "write their quals" as it is called during the summer and/or fall following their second year, it is a good idea to do the research residency late in the first year or early in the second.
What each student does as a part of their residency is fairly unstructured. It should be something new, the student should learn something, and ideally, it would also benefit the professor or researcher. I have had classmates who have helped investigators file their IRB (Institutional Review Board or ethics committee) applications, help with participant interviews, write or edit publications, enter data, clean data, run statistical analyses or help with qualitative interpretation of data. While it might be nice to participate on a research project that directly related to a student's area of interest, that is not required.
Research residencies get chosen based on research topic, opportunities to learn necessary skills, comfort with a particular researcher, interest in an aspect of research that won't be covered in a student's program or sheer convenience. Some students, who are really quick, are able to negotiate credit for a research assistance-ship. Essentially what that neat trick results in is getting both credit and payment. To do that, a student would usually have a ton of work, and would exchange money for credit hours or credit hours for money. Hmmm, that came out wrong! I made it sound like a research drug deal - let me rephrase. Most students who are able to mix a research assistance-ship and research residency would get fewer than the usual three credit hours per quarter and not the full monetary benefit of the research assistance-ship position. It's both a win-win and lose-lose if you look at it closely.
The general consensus is that they are quite a bit of fun, if also a ton of work. My residency has so far helped me to feel very close to actual research, but it has also made me realize how amazing it is that any research gets done! The paperwork, huge amounts of data to be analyzed, committees, review boards, and work are stunning! I'm hoping to stay in my residency through December. Right now, I'm doing pretty much anything that I can to help. I've entered and cleaned data, done a bit of research on a topic that related peripherally to the project, helped the PI (primary investigator) do some paperwork, summed up other relevant research articles into little briefs for people, and been allowed to sit in on meetings.
So, that is the information. For the next few months, I'll be writing about my research residency in addition to my courses. Fall quarter is seeming closer every day now!
First, a disclaimer: I'm not entirely sure if a research residency is a requirement in other PhD programs and additionally, I'm not sure if they are actually called "research residencies" even if they are required. However, I suspect that most programs that are offered in research intensive universities would require that a student gain some hands on research experience during their courses.
In my university (which shall remain nameless to protect my anonymity and ability to post honestly), roughly two quarters, or the equivalent credit hours of work done over a different number of quarters, are required. Additionally, the research residency must be performed before a student can write their qualifying exams, which I've written about previously. Since most people "write their quals" as it is called during the summer and/or fall following their second year, it is a good idea to do the research residency late in the first year or early in the second.
What each student does as a part of their residency is fairly unstructured. It should be something new, the student should learn something, and ideally, it would also benefit the professor or researcher. I have had classmates who have helped investigators file their IRB (Institutional Review Board or ethics committee) applications, help with participant interviews, write or edit publications, enter data, clean data, run statistical analyses or help with qualitative interpretation of data. While it might be nice to participate on a research project that directly related to a student's area of interest, that is not required.
Research residencies get chosen based on research topic, opportunities to learn necessary skills, comfort with a particular researcher, interest in an aspect of research that won't be covered in a student's program or sheer convenience. Some students, who are really quick, are able to negotiate credit for a research assistance-ship. Essentially what that neat trick results in is getting both credit and payment. To do that, a student would usually have a ton of work, and would exchange money for credit hours or credit hours for money. Hmmm, that came out wrong! I made it sound like a research drug deal - let me rephrase. Most students who are able to mix a research assistance-ship and research residency would get fewer than the usual three credit hours per quarter and not the full monetary benefit of the research assistance-ship position. It's both a win-win and lose-lose if you look at it closely.
The general consensus is that they are quite a bit of fun, if also a ton of work. My residency has so far helped me to feel very close to actual research, but it has also made me realize how amazing it is that any research gets done! The paperwork, huge amounts of data to be analyzed, committees, review boards, and work are stunning! I'm hoping to stay in my residency through December. Right now, I'm doing pretty much anything that I can to help. I've entered and cleaned data, done a bit of research on a topic that related peripherally to the project, helped the PI (primary investigator) do some paperwork, summed up other relevant research articles into little briefs for people, and been allowed to sit in on meetings.
So, that is the information. For the next few months, I'll be writing about my research residency in addition to my courses. Fall quarter is seeming closer every day now!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Taking Stock
There are two times a year that I usually find it interesting to stop and take stock of my situation. One is New Year's Eve and the second is my birthday. I don't really celebrate my birthday anymore, but I do like to do one or two things to mark the day. This year I will be going for a jog, having brunch with friends, reading whatever I want and maybe watching some "crap telly" as it is called on my new favorite Mystery! show.
These are all pretty basic things, but they represent gifts to myself. I want to jog because it is an example of how healthy I remain, and it also reminds me that I have to participate in my own health. Health maintenance isn't a passive process and as a nurse who recommends healthy lifestyle changes to people, I have to also be an example of those behaviors. Eating brunch with friends reminds me that I am not alone in either my situation or my physical location. Finally, reading and watching TV may not seem like that much of a gift to myself, because I still do those things (though much less frequently than before I came back to school), but today I am going to do them without feeling any guilt. Today, I am going to try to not focus on what else I should be doing while I'm reading or watching TV and instead just read or watch TV.
Later on today, I am also planning to take a look at the remaining weeks before school starts and set some deadlines for my summer goals. I've been having a harder time than I expected re-acclimating to the PhD process since I returned from my vacation. I'm hoping that I can correct some of this by establishing a bit more structure. (I love planning and making lists - it is so fun to imagine what I might accomplish!)
To make my day perfect, I'm also planning to spend a fair amount of it with my new kitten, Boris, in my lap!
I'm off to have a wonderful birthday! I hope that everybody out there has a great day too. :)
These are all pretty basic things, but they represent gifts to myself. I want to jog because it is an example of how healthy I remain, and it also reminds me that I have to participate in my own health. Health maintenance isn't a passive process and as a nurse who recommends healthy lifestyle changes to people, I have to also be an example of those behaviors. Eating brunch with friends reminds me that I am not alone in either my situation or my physical location. Finally, reading and watching TV may not seem like that much of a gift to myself, because I still do those things (though much less frequently than before I came back to school), but today I am going to do them without feeling any guilt. Today, I am going to try to not focus on what else I should be doing while I'm reading or watching TV and instead just read or watch TV.
Later on today, I am also planning to take a look at the remaining weeks before school starts and set some deadlines for my summer goals. I've been having a harder time than I expected re-acclimating to the PhD process since I returned from my vacation. I'm hoping that I can correct some of this by establishing a bit more structure. (I love planning and making lists - it is so fun to imagine what I might accomplish!)
To make my day perfect, I'm also planning to spend a fair amount of it with my new kitten, Boris, in my lap!
I'm off to have a wonderful birthday! I hope that everybody out there has a great day too. :)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Summer School
There have been lots of new developments since my last post. First, I've started my research residency. Second, we adopted a new kitten named Boris. And finally, I seemed to have started having panic attacks. And no, I don't think these are all connected...much. Maybe I should talk a little about each one separately...
My research residency is at a wonderful, wonderful place! Amazing research is performed there and I am soooo lucky to be there, even in my limited role. I've only been in for one week and already I love it. Right now my residency isn't particularly well-defined, but I'm expecting a more narrowly focused project or area to eventually emerge. For now, I read a lot, spend a lot of time feeling pretty intimidated, and attempt to absorb any of the intelligence that just seems to be floating around the office!
After a long period of mourning for our companion animal, KitKit, we have adopted a new shelter kitten, Boris. He is very sweet and really cute. However, I had totally forgotten how *crazy* kittens are! I'm putting a picture of him after this paragraph:
Hopefully, in the next few months, he will stop chewing cords and start sleeping more at night. Until then, I will keep unplugging everything in my apartment at night and sleeping with earplugs!
Finally, my new and weird pseudo-panic attacks began last week. I have no idea what they are or why they are occurring. Basically, I start feeling really sweaty and panicky and short of breath and then it passes. It only happens when I have to speak in front of a group or when I'm in high-stress situation. I am hoping that they go away. Soon. I do think that they are a result of stress, but why they would start after I have just returned from a vacation doesn't make much sense to me. I kind of think that they might be my brain's way of protesting my return to work and school.
Anyway, things are going very well in general. Once I've spent a little more time in my research residency, I'll write a post with some more information on research residencies.Talk to you soon!
My research residency is at a wonderful, wonderful place! Amazing research is performed there and I am soooo lucky to be there, even in my limited role. I've only been in for one week and already I love it. Right now my residency isn't particularly well-defined, but I'm expecting a more narrowly focused project or area to eventually emerge. For now, I read a lot, spend a lot of time feeling pretty intimidated, and attempt to absorb any of the intelligence that just seems to be floating around the office!
After a long period of mourning for our companion animal, KitKit, we have adopted a new shelter kitten, Boris. He is very sweet and really cute. However, I had totally forgotten how *crazy* kittens are! I'm putting a picture of him after this paragraph:
 |
| Boris, 12 weeks old |
Finally, my new and weird pseudo-panic attacks began last week. I have no idea what they are or why they are occurring. Basically, I start feeling really sweaty and panicky and short of breath and then it passes. It only happens when I have to speak in front of a group or when I'm in high-stress situation. I am hoping that they go away. Soon. I do think that they are a result of stress, but why they would start after I have just returned from a vacation doesn't make much sense to me. I kind of think that they might be my brain's way of protesting my return to work and school.
Anyway, things are going very well in general. Once I've spent a little more time in my research residency, I'll write a post with some more information on research residencies.Talk to you soon!
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