I think I can, I think I can

Each quarter seems to follow a similar cycle. At the start of the quarter I have clear goals, and while I know that they will be hard to accomplish, I am confident that *anything* is possible. A few weeks into the quarter, I am absolutely convinced that there is no way that this will all get done. I can't believe that I committed myself to this madness, and I know that this is all going to end in tears. Towards the end of the quarter (where I am today), I am shocked at how much I've gotten done. And I have no idea how I've done it.

As I write this today, I'm not actually through the quarter. My grant is due on Monday. My qualifying exam is next Wednesday. In a worst case scenario, I could fail my qualifying exam and have to do it again. I still have lots of preparation for the exam and while the grant is completely drafted, there are a few sections that aren't finalized. But, even with those terrible realities, I am (at least today) kind of amazed at what I have gotten done in the last ten weeks.

Over the last ten weeks, I draft, edited, and finalized three qualifying papers. In total they are over 140 pages of thought. Are these the papers that I started out planning to write? No. But, they taught me a lot and helped me organize my thinking about my topic. I think that they form a foundation for my continued thinking and research on my topic. These papers, in this form, will not likely actually appear in my dissertation. However, I think that these papers will form the skeleton of a chapter or two.

I have also edited and re-written my NIH grant for resubmission. This grant is a bit of a beast, and I basically started from scratch with it. Who knows if I'll even get scored? I'm hopeful, and I think that it is a better grant than the one I submitted previously, but this process is a bit like trying to hit a target that is placed after you shoot and is moving the whole time. Whether I'm funded or not, I think the process of writing this grant will help me write my proposal next quarter.

In addition to those larger accomplishments, I found a new advisor and started building a relationship with that person, ran a marathon, edited and submitted a paper for publication, co-authored another data-based publication with my research residency team, subbed in a class for my current advisor, presented at a national conference, and kept both of my jobs. I am proud of how much I've gotten done this quarter, but I don't want another quarter like this again for a while!

To keep myself going for the next eight days, I've been keeping a list in my head of the things that I want to do starting next Thursday. As this last week feels like a final push (and I am a bit tired), I thought that I would put this list on the blog!

1.  Read some of the (non-school related) books stacked up next to my bed! (I swear there are thirty books there...)
2. Holiday shop
3. Watch holiday movies
4. Bake cookies!
5. Clean my cabinets - seriously, things just fall out when I open them right now
6. Practice my guitar a lot
7. Skype with my sister
8. Jog every day
9. Take a rowing class
10. Go to the city museums
11. Spend at least two days wandering around my adopted city like a tourist

I am so looking forward to doing these things, I just have to push through next Wednesday! Wish me luck!!!

Edits....

I submitted the draft for my third qualifying exam paper last night! I feel a little less stressed because I'm still making my deadlines. But, this quarter is full of work and none of it is unimportant. Plus, this is a quarter full of changes. So, this post is going to be about qualifying exams and changes that can, and often do occur, in the middle of PhD programs. I've talked about qualifying exams before, but I'll focus on them again as they are *very* much on my mind!

I expect that most people have heard of the term "PhD candidate." And one might expect that anyone accepted and enrolled in a PhD program is a PhD candidate. However, that isn't correct. Before a student has taken and passed her (or his) qualifying exams, they are actually called a predoctoral student  or just a doctoral student. After the qualifying exam, if a student passes, they are considered to have "advanced to candidacy."

Every scientific discipline has a different format for their exams. Some disciplines test their examinees with multiple choice and essay tests, some require papers, some have an oral defense, and some require a combination of all of these. In my school, for a nursing PhD qualifying exam, we submit three papers and have a two to three hour in-person oral defense (that the professors like to call a "chat.") The papers usually end up being early forms of a student's dissertation. At my school, a student has two attempts to pass their qualifying exams.

The people who sit with the student and "chat" with them about their papers are the student's qualifying exam committee. In my program, a student needs four or five professors on their committee. These professors should be experts either in the student's field or on an aspect of student's paper topics. Generally, we talk about "content experts," or people who know a lot about your research interest and "theory experts," people who know a lot about your theoretical perspective. Often people who are experts in one small aspect of your research topic, your analysis technique or measurement instruments are included on your committee.

Some students present their dissertation proposal at their qualifying exam as well. This speeds things up because that proposal also has to be approved and discussed. It has to be reviewed after a student has passed their qualifying exam and before they start working on their dissertation. Turning it into another, separate step means that the student has to coordinate five professors' schedules again for a meeting - no small feat! However, the proposal has to be approved by a student's dissertation committee who might be the same group as a student's qualifying exam.

The last few months, I've been writing my three qualifying exam papers, which I've discussed in previous posts. They've all been drafted now (yay!), but I'm not ready for my exam yet. The papers need edits and I need to prepare for the exam itself - reviewing relevant article and theoretical concepts. Some committee members will give you ideas about what they might ask about, some let the direction of the conversation guide their questions, some treat it more like a discussion. I don't really know what to expect...

The second major change is that my advisor is moving on to another university to pursue other opportunities. Which is wonderful for her, but means that I have to begin a new relationship with a new advisor. I've talked about the advisor relationship in the past, and I think that I've mentioned that it can be a bit tricky. I have a new advisor, but it is difficult to be in the "getting to know you phase" this late in the process - we're trying to get comfortable with each other quickly! Interestingly, my new advisor isn't a specialist in my area, instead we have more general interests in social determinants of health and we're both interested in quantitative research. I'll keep you guys updated.

I'm presenting at a conference tomorrow, so I'm off to bed.

For my friends on the east coast: Stay Safe! I hope that it isn't as bad as predicted!