Limbo

KitKit enjoying the newly cleared bookcase space

The movers will arrive to take our things in 5 days. Packing seems to be following the "80-20" rule. This last 20 percent of stuff is taking me so much time. And it has gotten really, really warm here in San Diego. Also, still no registration packet! I feel like I'm stuck in a strange slow-motion waiting mode.  I can't seem to work up enough energy to pack, plan or really do anything except wait for the mailman. I have a very bad feeling that this weekend is going to be an exercise in chaos while I attempt to finish packing and prepping.

However, this odd confluence of non-events has made me suddenly very interested in cooking. I was not a kitcheny person in my previous employed life. I was very good at the dietary essentials of being from Chicago: take-out, order-in, and dining at great restaurants. Now that I am a broke, unemployed student, I am learning to cook. In my kitchen. Which just used to be where I stored the wine.

So far, I have almost lost a finger and shredded the side of my right hand. My husband does seem very happy to come home to ready meals. And he never, ever spits anything out into his napkin in front of me....

And what I really mean to say is

that some of this looks insurmountable. I am excited. I am ready to start studying. I am ready for this. And I am also almost certain that I could be making a terrible, life-altering mistake. 

This period of not-working, packing, preparing has left me with a lot of time to think. And I'm thinking about the cost. There is cost to leaving my husband behind, moving to a city where I know no one, and of course, the cost, or money, for all of this. In fact I'm thinking about these things a lot. Packing, unlike seeing patients at the clinic, does not shut off my worry-thinking. And this is before the actual stress of school. Before the actual "can I do this?" stress there is a lot of "what the hell have I done" stress. 

The school said that they would send a "registration packet" in mid-August. Ummmm, it is mid-August, and now, the unknowns are clearly my biggest fear. So, please university admission people, could you send that packet and lighten a tiny bit of my load?

Salutations!

When I started applying for PhD programs in nursing, I also started looking for guidance. Any guidance. I wanted an idea, some preparation or just someone to stop me cold with a reality check. But, I didn't find any blogs that were really discussing the obtaining of a PhD in nursing.

The application process was truly a Leviathan  process and to cope I started posting on a thread at allnurses.com. But I still didn't find a real forum for nursing doctoral students. The application process and the waiting was lonely. I have a feeling that the PhD might be the loneliest degree yet, so I need some community support or maybe an outlet. So I've started one here. I'm going to attempt to anonymously describe what this endeavor entails. Hopefully, it will help the next nurse who considers a PhD do so with a realistic view of the situation.

I also think that I'm now at a place where the story might get interesting. I've been accepted to a program in California and I start classes in the fall. I ended my well-paying job (read best-paying job of my life) a week ago and I'm packing for the move. Me, my cat and my husband (though only part-time for DH as his job is still in our current city) are packing and moving to a different California town in three weeks. I'm excited! Or possibly that is just my ulcer forming...

I am reminded right now of a fortune that my father-in-law got in a fortune cookie last year. It read, "Everywhere you go there is excitement!" My father-in-law paused and then said, " Well that's ambiguous. I mean I went to World War II and it was exciting, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to go back!"